Meanwhile in the pet shop...

"Right boys what have we got? You first Wayne"

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"Well I've gone for the 'Sven the Starfish' boss"

"Really?"

"Yes boss, I feel that it’s got the whole ‘under-the-sea’ theme, it’s colourful, you wouldn’t have to worry about genitals on during family hours.."

"Genitals..?!"

"It’s a valid concern Steve"

"Sorry boss"

"Carrying on Wayne, this is a good presentation"

"Thanks boss"

"But don’t get cocky, you’ve hardly set the world alight so far"

"Sorry boss, as I was saying it’s follows on from Paul.."

"Wayne! How many times have I told you, it’s not ‘Paul’... we call him the German - got it!"

"Yeah got it Wayne...!"

"Shut up Steve!"

"Sorry boss"

"Carry on Wayne"

"Thanks boss. My research has revealed that we could get one or two world cup cycles out of Sven the Starfish before he puts his arms up"

"That’s impressive Wayne"

"Yes boss, plus Sven is a merchandising machine. T-shirts, caps, nappies, spaghetti shaped Sven in a range of tomatoes sauces, there’s animations and a video game as well.."

"Right, so we just keep him in an aquarium Wayne? Low maintenance?"

"Very low maintenance boss, we can put Brad Thorne onto it as way of keeping him calm during the week"

"That’ll prove handy Steve won’t it?"

"I suppose so boss"

"That’s very versatile Wayne, unoffensive and yet quite creative as well - I like the potential. “Let’s put up for consideration shall we?"

"Yes boss"

"Alright Steven, what have you got?"

"Well...I’m going for ‘Pablo the Python’, here’s an illustration I found on Wikipedia"

"Hardly a credible source boss"

"You’re right Wayne, Steve that’s a point off for not using a reputable source"

"Probably not even in the bibliography boss"

"Is it in the bibliography Steve?"

"No, not yet, but..."

"No buts Steve, that’s another point off"

"How exactly is Pablo meant to select the winner Steve?"

"Well boss, he’s placed at the bottom of this pole, at the top is a lateral bar and at each end of the bar an export lamb carcass is hung, one will be in an All Black jersey and the other will being wearing the oppositions jersey"

"Right... well Steve it looks like a very elaborate plan"

"I know boss, I’m pretty excited about it"

"The inclusion of the export lamb has a nice synergy with the exporting sector"

"Thanks boss, and we’ll get about 5-7 world cups out of him"

"Longevity Steve I like it, I like it a lot"

"Thanks boss"

"Who is going to look after it?"

"The Franks brothers want to use Pablo during the off-season for their underground wrestling videos"

"Nice, but not exactly core business is it Steve"

"I suppose not boss"

"What do you think Wayne?"

"Boss, maybe a half point reduction..?"

"Yes I think you’re probably right. That’s a point five reduction for departing from the brief Steve"

"Yes boss"



The pet shop door opens



"I know that you knew when you took your car to my mechanic that my love for me is only conquered by my love of me, so when I look at you car and think that love would be a great thing to go with it, I know that your job is something I could do well"

"It’s De Villiers..! Quickly get down..!"

"Yes boss"

"Do you have the oracle that I have requested?"

"Yes coach De Villiers, here it is"

"Thank you"

"No, no coach De Villiers - thank you"

"Wayne, what’s he got..?"

"I think it’s a hub-cap boss"

"Steve?"

"Definitely a hub-cap boss, HQ Holden Special 1965, probably a station wagon, very reliable 4 cylinder vehicle boss"

"That’s a point off for missing that detail Wayne"

"But boss..?!"

"Another point off for arguing Wayne"

"Damn that blasted De Villiers and his magic hubcap, while we’re here picking out pets, he’s got a magical, mystical hubcap with which to make predictions...”

“Ok Steve, Wayne, a new brief"

"Yes boss"

"Find me a carpart; other than a hubcap, with a decent record of predicting anything that an Octopus can...pronto!"

"Yes boss!"